Somewhere in a parallel universe, I’m sat there as a successful person. People like me, they interact with me. I’m not socially inept, I have a personality that attracts people to me. I’m well and healthy. People read my stories, comment and like them. Sometimes I wistfully think I’d rather be there than here. Let’s face it though, the grass always does look greener from afar.
Yeah I know I shouldn’t look away from where I am. I have a lot to be thankful for here. I’m alive and kicking. I have a wonderful girlfriend who makes me very happy and secure. I have a loving sister and a support network but I guess like us all we want more from life. All of us want to be appreciated more.
So while I’m not looking too wistfully, I just wonder if sometimes some things are worth carrying on with. I’m part of a young writers community called Movellas. It’s an online community that used to be very supporting and encouraging. However over the last year I feel that the community has changed into being more of a social thing rather than a place for aspiring writers. I’m not so distant as to the fact that my writing is never going to set the world alight, but it’s better than some others I see written on the site. I enter the regular competitions to push myself and try different styles but still the number of views, reads and likes go down. My latest story garnered just over 100 reads (and as it had 4 pages that could be read as 25) and only one like after over a week. I have to say I’m disappointed and disheartened. I guess that I’m no longer read by others. Sometimes when I look enviously at thousands of reads, I just want to give up and walk away. I find it difficult at times to be sociable with new people and when I leave messages and blogs with no comments from them it is heartbreaking and soul destroying. Hiding the message here, I know means that it won’t get read, but I need to blurt for my peace of mind.
Writing is a personal thing for me. I bare my soul a lot in the words and whilst I will continue to write, maybe the time has come to no longer share my work. I know for most people it wouldn’t mean anything, but it’s a sad day for me personally. I’ll still wander around the fringes reading new stories and poetry by others and leaving likes and comments but I guess unless I feel the need I won’t publish new work. Movellas has been an important part of my life over the past three and a half years and I guess I can’t entirely leave.